1. |
||||
Wasp kitchen buzzing long past
6 am
You look so good when you’re not
drenched in ranch
Gnaw off your kneecaps, now it’s
past bedtime
Crack open a skull full of
newspaper.
Cockfights have never been a great way
to make new friends
So rinse the feathers off and crush them in your hands.
Mail, mail
mail my body
Ale drinks me.
|
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2. |
Ideal For Concession Use
02:56
|
|||
I spent all my cash on DVD box sets
Grinding my incisors on old laserdiscs
Watching extended pilots while I bond with my friends
Filling all the walls with envelopes and stamps
My stamps.
I quit youth group
Still in Scout Troop
Thick ropes and plastic wrap near the safety latch
Carefully placing razors into baseball caps
Popcorn in giant bowls full of salt for my friends
TV dinner sauces scalded deep in my hands
My hands.
I quit youth group
Still in Scout Troop
|
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3. |
Geriatrics
01:58
|
|||
Don’t swallow your grandchildren
The best part is spitting them out.
Scrape your gums onto the pavement
seal stab wounds with Scotchguard.
Your kids will petrify soon
Car crash fetish with my gramps.
Cow tongue slap on Christmas eve.
Trace amounts of pus on thighs.
Elevator doors won’t open.
Inhabitants of a small village.
Gas floats in from nearby lakes.
Clouds of dust in the basement.
There’s plants growing out of my head.
Azaleas and carnations.
Branches scrape against my knuckles.
Worst case is trench warfare.
|
||||
4. |
Terror at Goo Lagoon
03:09
|
|||
A Hungarian Cineplex
Assorted Rolodex slips
Cause of death was
Kraft Dinner
The truth is it’s extra bones.
( And you say:)
It features Ross Perot
Instrumental pornography
Hold your breath, Harry.
Trashcan finds.
Doppler radar says more snow.
You have such a fake lisp, Nan.
You have such a fake lisp.
You have such a fake lisp, Nan.
You have such a fake lisp.
It's my rifle,
it’s my gun.
Shaved heads cause less parasites.
Fourth graders eating flies:
the cafeteria overflowed.
(And you say:)
The girl is made of flan.
Frozen yogurt makes me sick.
Fish eggs in film canisters
Spread-eagled casserole.
I don’t know if you knew this, but we’re actually exposed to nearly 30,000 curies of radiation every single time that we step foot in a Costco. I actually read on this Usenet group that I still frequent that if you ask for a cart you’re automatically put on a list that not only exposes you to higher doses, but also prevents you from buying those --
|
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